How do we really see ourselves?
The topic of beauty is one that I’ve struggled with my entire life. I don’t think I’m ugly but I also don’t see myself as beautiful either. In my teenage years and early twenties I knew I was attractive. I had a figure I can now only dream of having, clear skin, thick dark curly hair and big blue eyes. It never even crossed my mind that I wasn’t. If I am totally honest I was quite vain about it.
Now that I have reached my forties the opposite is true. I look in the mirror and see a woman well past her prime. I have wrinkles, I’m a plus-sized woman and I have thinning, greying hair. It does upset me, and I’ve often found myself thinking that the reason I am single is because I am unattractive. My now ex-husband once told me I was ‘slightly fat and only average looking’. It really hurt me and that is definitely the moment that I my thoughts about my appearance began to change. This perspective was cemented when I discovered his affairs. I genuinely felt that I was too ugly to make him want to stick around.
As a christian woman, and I have been one my entire adult life, I know deep down that this isn’t how I should think of myself as a daughter of God. My God is the one who loves me unconditionally, and who looks at me as if I am the most beautiful thing in all of creation. How can I be anything less than that when I am created in his image? He is perfection and I have been created to be like him. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about biblical beauty and the more I think about it the more I realise that this is what real beauty is.
As it says in Song of Solomon 4:7: ‘You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.’
What are we teaching our daughters?
Now that I have a teenage daughter of my own I am really trying to show her that beauty is more than what we see on the TV and on social media. As a mother, I want my daughter to know just how beautiful she is, both inside and outside. My heartfelt prayer for her is that she has the strength of character to see her true worth. She should grow up knowing that she isn’t defined by her looks and that her beauty comes from being herself.
I also know that this is unlikely to happen unless I change how I think about myself. Our children learn far more than we would like to admit by watching us. My daughter has seen me obsess over my appearance. She has seen me refuse to leave the house without make-up on. I’m pretty sure she’s overheard conversations where I put myself down. If I want to break this cycle I know I need to walk the talk and promote my own positive body image.
What is biblical beauty?
The bible is full of verses about beauty, and how beautiful we are in His eyes. It also teaches me that true beauty isn’t about what I look like to other people. My real beauty is who I am inside. In a secular world where our beliefs about beauty are based on what you see from the outside we need to remember that when God looks at me, he sees what is inside. God looks to the heart and it is there that he finds my real beauty. This is biblical beauty and it is the only one I know I should be striving to achieve.
I know it is a secular quote and not from the bible but this is one of my favourite literature quotes. I think it sums up perfectly what I am trying to say:
‘A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.’ Roald Dahl (The Twits)